Look Who's One!

My little man turned one last week.  It's been such a fun year with him.  His personality is much different from his brothers, but at the same time he is just one of the boys too!  He was quick to crawl around 5 months.  He was quick to stand by himself not long after he started crawling.  And he was quickest to start walking just before he was 11 months.  He's a healthy eater!  The best thing about Wyatt is how quick he is to smile.  He's got the most infectious smile ever! 

We had a small party for him at home.  He dug right into his cake and thoroughly enjoyed it!  We had to put a candle on it for each of the boys, so we had four candles on it instead of one.  So for the next two weeks, we have a 4, 3, 2, and 1-year-old in the house!  Chaos is the first word that comes to mind... 

Wyatt is fitting in just nicely with his brothers.  He's rough and tumble with them all, but then gets super mad when Bennett climbs in his crib with him and steals his pacifiers.  He doesn't exactly look like his brothers.  He favors the Surdukowski side more than my family.  He's definitely unique!

I can't imagine our family without him and I'm especially grateful to be his mother!  I love you Wyatt!

Spencer-ism

The other day I was singing with the boys before bedtime and we started singing this song: "Here we are together, together, together.  Here we are together, in our family.  There's Tanner and Spencer and Bennett and Wyatt.  Here we are together in our family."

I went in to tuck Tanner and Spencer in bed and this was Spencer's version of the song: "Here we are together in our family.  There's Tanner and ME and Bennett and Wyatt.  Here we are together in our family."

He says some of the funniest things!!!

It's Never-Ending!

What a crazy year it's been so far!!!  I'm not entirely sure that I'll make it through December, but if I do, I deserve some incredible award or something major!!!

In January I was informed that I may have an aneurysm in my left wrist.  After a few extensive tests, and a trip to the cardiovascular doctor, it was determined that I have the equivalent of an aneurysm in my vein, not my artery.  Good news, it's not life-threatening like it would have been if it were in my artery.  I don't have to have surgery, and if it ever bursts I just have to apply pressure to it and the bleeding will stop.  Because of all the testing I had to do, I had to stop nursing Wyatt unexpectedly.  I always have a lot of indecision about stopping, but it actually turned out to be a good thing for everyone involved. 

The end of February we all go the gastro-intestinal virus that was going around church.  For a week we were all puking and pooping up a storm.  I didn't think we were ever going to recover from that illness.  Thank goodness the boys bounced back rather quickly, but they sure endured a violent illness while it lasted. 

The first part of March Tanner managed to break his arm.  He was trying to pull the chain on the fan above the bed he was supposed to be sleeping in and fell, using his arm to brace himself.  Both the bones in his forearm looked like they buckled.  He ended up having to have the bones set under anesthesia.  The cast comes all the way up to his shoulder.  He broke his left arm, and since he's left handed, he's had a rough go with a cast.  He's a trooper though.  He's managed to do a lot more with it than I expected, but he also milks his injury a lot saying he can't do something because his arm is broken.  He gets a shorter cast put on on Monday that he'll have to wear for at least two weeks.  Then hopefully we'll be back to normal.

Wyatt had tubes put in his ears in March.  He'd had chronic ear infections from the middle of December through the end of February.  In 60 days, he was on antibiotics for 50 of those days.  So I was grateful to have tubes put in so he could get some relief.

The middle of March we all got upper respiratory infections.  All the boys were put on breathing treatments and antibiotics and oral steroids.  Tanner, Bennett, and Spencer all got ear infections.  I had bronchitis really bad.  I'm surprised it didn't turn into pneumonia.  I also had fevers, chills, sweats, and body aches to go along with it.  I haven't been that sick in a long time.  I really felt like I was never going to be well again in my life.  Nick, thank goodness, didn't get it too terribly, but he did get it.

The month of March was a crazy one!  I figured out that in 21 days, I'd taken the boys a total of 18 times to see one doctor or another.  I felt like I lived at the doctor's offices that month.  I've never been that busy before.  I had a few personal meltdowns as I was taking kids to the doctor when I was dying of sickness myself.  On more than one occasion I had to take all 4 kids to the doctor with me because of last minute appointments.  I wasn't sure Spencer was going to live through those appointments.  He really knows how to throw a fit in public!!!

And to top off my month, Nick was called into the newly called Bishopric as the second counselor.  So not only does he now have a lot more responsibility at church, I've now become a church widow.  Sundays will be difficult.  He'll have meetings at church around 7am and have to stay afterward for a while to take care of tithing and such.  I'll be on my own during sacrament meeting since Nick will be sitting on the stand.  Thank goodness I'll have a lot of support since I'll be there with all the kids by myself and have to play the organ. 

I'm not sure what I have to learn from all of this.  I feel completely overwhelmed.  I wonder sometimes why I chose to have four kids in four years.  I'm close to a nervous breakdown most days.  My dad is always saying to me, "This too shall pass," but a lot of the time I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  This sure is a hard job.

It's A Revolution!

Back in December I decided that I no longer wanted to weigh over 200 pounds.  I never did work too hard to lose the weight after having Wyatt, so I felt like a big, fat slob!!  My energy levels have been terrible, and all I want to do all day is lay on the couch and watch television.  So I told myself that after the first of the year I would make changes to my eating habits and physical activity.

I looked into doing Weight Watchers online because I knew that if I could retrain myself, with assistance, to eat the right types of meals, and especially the right portions, than I was already ahead of the curve.  So after a small personal struggle, I signed up and paid the fee for the first three months.  In the two weeks I've been doing this I've noticed a big change in my eating habits. 

I am really aware of how much I eat now.  I try really hard to stay within my points limit.  Most days I do okay, but there are days when I blow that to bits.  But I always keep in mind that tomorrow is another day.  I've found a new love of fresh oranges, vinaigrette, LOVE fresh spinach, and smaller portions of meat.  I find that I don't miss eating as much meat.  I've made it a point to eat everything on my plate first before I delve into the meat portion of my plate.  I've been eating a lot more frozen berry smoothies!  Love those!  I still don't eat very many fresh veggies.  I just have a hard time liking those.  I told Nick that if I liked fresh veggies and yogurt, this new way of eating would be a piece of cake.  But alas, I have to find ways around that.  I'm working on it though! 

I ordered a few Weight Watchers cookbooks a month ago and I've been planning my weekly menus around those.  There are some really awesome recipes in them!!  I don't feel like I'm eating more healthfully, so it's not so hard to stick with this way of eating!  My stomach has definitely shrunk enough so that I can tell when I'm getting to my limit much sooner.  And I no longer eat to be full.  I eat to become satisfied.  On those times where I do get too full, I am so nauseous!  What an awful feeling!

With just changing my eating, I have gone from 210 pounds to 204 pounds.  That makes me feel a little better about doing all of this. 

While lounging on the couch during the afternoon, I found a new talk show called The Revolution.  It's about making small choices daily that make a big impact on your life.  Each week they have a "hero" who embarks on a 180-day revolution.  They want to lose weight and change a few things in their life to make it simpler.  This week the lady who is on the show has become my inspiration to do more!  Before she started her reformation, she weighed 210 pounds.  She's a working mom with four kids.  She finds time to fit in 2 hours of exercise a day along with the rest of her busy schedule.  So I figured that if she could do it, I have no excuses not to since I don't work out of the home. 

So yesterday, the first day of February, I decided that I was going to start my own revolution.  Instead of sitting on the couch while the boys napped, I got up and walked on the treadmill for 40 minutes.  Then once I put the boys to bed last night, I walked another 60 minutes on the treadmill.  This morning I did another 60 minutes, and this evening I'll do another 60 minutes.  I find that in just since yesterday, I've felt I have more energy to do what needs to be done during the day.  I've done a lot more housework this morning than I have in the past month! 

I'm working hard to make this change in my life.  I'm at that point in my life where I really want this.  Before I didn't care, but I really do now!  My end goal is to lose 60 pounds before the end of this year.  But I have many little goals in between.  If I can lose 5 pounds a month, I'll be very pleased with myself.  Obviously if I can lose more than that a month, that's a bonus!  I plan to walk everyday for 2 hours when possible.  I have no more excuses!  I really want this!  I'm ready to be healthy, I'm ready to shop in the fun section at the clothing store, and I'm ready to be the example to my kids that they need!  Bring on the revolution!!!

Frosty the Snowman

The boys are obsessed with Frosty the Snowman cartoon.  I heard Tanner singing the song, but with these words:

"Frosty the Snowman, was a happy, Jolly soul.  With a captain's hat and a bunny nose and two eyes made out of coal!"

He cracks me up! 

Family Pictures

It's been a long time since Nick and I have had family pictures taken.  In fact, it's been three years.  I feel there is something special about having your pictures taken outside.  They seem so much more personal to me.  So for years I've been bugging Nick to allow us to get pictures taken outside.  I knew this would cost a lot of money because we would have to hire a photographer instead of using a department store studio.  Then my sister-in-law turned me on to a lady in her ward at church that was a budding photographer and that she takes really great photos. 

The day of the photo shoot dawned extremely windy.  I was so disappointed because I was certain it would have to be postponed.  Despite the wind the photo shoot took place.  My sister came down and did a little something with my hair and did my make-up, since I am completely handicapped when it comes to both of those things.

The boys did what little boys do when you get them outside.  They ran around, fell a few times in the dirt, and Spencer managed to get grass stains on his jeans before we even took a single picture.  The boys were a challenge, but in the end we got some great pictures.  I'm so pleased with the way they turned out.    

In A Funk!

I really struggled personally during the month of October.  During our semi-annual church General Conference, I was affected by a talk given by Elder Neil L. Andersen.  He talked about not putting off having kids because of financial reasons, or even for selfish reasons.  That really sent me for a loop, and honestly, I'm not sure why.  While I was pregnant with Wyatt, many of the people I know from church or around me would ask me if we were going to have more kids.  A lot of people would ask me if we were going to try for a girl.  My answer to them was always, "We're not entirely sure.  I'm not going to say 'no' because I'm not sure what the Lord has in store for me, but I would like to say 'yes' because I'm ready to be done having kids."  Then after having Wyatt, Nick and I decided that maybe it was time that we were done having kids.  Each one of my pregnancies was successively harder than the last both physically and emotionally.  I don't handle post-partum very well. 

So to hear an Apostle of the Lord stand there and tell us all that we shouldn't put off having kids because of selfish reasons, I felt like I was being selfish for using my physical struggles as an excuse to not have more kids.  I was a little upset, not angry, but just unsettled because I wasn't sure that I wanted to have more kids.  After two days of being in this mood, and after talking with Nick about it, he asked me why I felt the way I did.  I told him that I almost felt guilty to say we're not going to have more kids.  Then he looked me square in the eye and said that if I wanted to have more kids than that was fine, but that's our decision.  But if we we're going to have more kids because I felt guilt-tripped into having more kids, than that was wrong.  That immediately brought me out of my stupor.  We both feel strongly that, for now at least, we have faithfully done our part to bring children into this world and that now we need to focus of raising those children in this world. 

I've also really been struggling with raising our kids.  I feel like all I ever do is yell at them to stop doing this or to stop hitting each other.  I've felt really down on myself, recently especially, that I haven't been doing a very good job as a mother.  My kids are very intense in their behavior when they get together with other kids.  I feel like no one wants to bring their kids around mine because of the way they act.  All they do is watch television, literally, all day.  I've been very lazy in not wanting to do anything with them.  So I just let them watch television.  It's so bad that when we turn the tv off at night, Tanner throws a huge fit because he wants to watch more tv.  It's so bad! 

 Last week was really difficult for me in my mothering skills because I felt like I was just horrible.  I don't know how to handle the boys when they get in their non-listening moods, which is most of the time.  They don't come when I ask them directly to come to me.  They look at me and defiantly walk away while still looking at me.  They are continually running around screaming and hitting each other.  I'm kind of at my wits end in trying to figure out how to deal with all of this.  I take it very personally, and then I take it all out on Nick, and that's just not good.  So it's really been a struggle for me.

My mom has been pushing me to buy this book that my sister-in-law has, it's called The Power of Positive Parenting by Dr. Glen Latham.  I finally ordered it and I'm trying to get through it.  It's a little difficult than I thought because it's set up like a text book more than anything.  But I'm trying to keep an open mind about all of this.  I find it hard to imagine that being positive all the time gets the results I strive for, but I'll try anything at this point.  I'm just afraid that they're going to walk all over me, but you know, they do that anyway, so what's it going to hurt. 

I've come up with a daily schedule that I know they, and I, will benefit from.  I'm just really lazy and I'm procrastinating putting it into action.  I really need to do this for their sakes.  I'm sure that with a daily schedule, they won't be so bored and that's when things start to go downhill.  Pray for me.  I know that it's only with the Lord's help that I'll be able to get through this. 

All I ever wanted, from the time I can remember, was to be a mom, but recently I've really questioned that.  Nick had to remind me last week that it is my divine nature to be a mother.  I forget that a lot!  I was created to be here on this earth specifically to raise children, and I feel like I've fallen short on that calling.  I'm trying to remedy that, and I want to feel good about myself as a mother again.  Here's to continually trying, falling short, and picking myself up and trying again.  It's such a difficult cylce to live by, but that's life right?