Momma Needs a Break

I've had a really stressful summer this year.  Not because I've had a lot to do, or a lot of places to go, but I've really had a personal struggle with the boys and with myself in general.  Nick and I haven't been seeing eye-to-eye a lot lately either, so that's added to my stress level.  You know, it's been three months since I had Wyatt.  He's a great baby, and I love him to death, but I have really struggled with having four kids.  I was never scared to have four, in fact, I was more freaked out about having three, but four seemed like no big deal.  But, I've struggled a lot with dealing with four very different boys.

Tanner demands a lot of attention.  And I mean a lot of attention.  He very much has to be the center of attention.  And when you play with him, if you don't play his way and by his rules, he throws a huge hissy fit and I especially don't want to play with him then.  He's always wanting to watch this show or that, or wanting to watch a movie.  I hear, "Can I watch a movie?" at least five hundred times a day.  And that is no exaggeration!!  He's always asking me if we can go to Grandma Surdukowski's.  Always!!  When Nick is home and goes outside to work, I have to literally shove Tanner out the door so that he will go play outside.  And I have to repeated send him back out so he'll stay out there.  He really wears on my patience. 

Spencer is a whole different ball game.  He gets in these moods that really baffle me.  And he's done this since he was a little baby.  If you ask him if he wants to say prayer before bed, he shakes his head no, but when you ask someone else to say the prayer, he completely flips out and starts throwing himself around and crying.  So when you ask if he wants to say the prayer again, he shakes his head no, so you proceed to just say the prayer without him, which does NOT go over well.  We then just have to pick him up and take him to his room while he's screaming and thrashing and shut the door in order for him to scream it out.  Not sure why he does this, but it's exhausting!  He thinks every toy is his and so when Bennett or Tanner want to play with the 20+ trains that we have, he flips out and throws a fit.  If someone sits in his couch, he flips out.  He won't eat dinner.  He hasn't eaten dinner in who knows how long.  He'll only eat if it's peanut butter and jelly, pancakes, or cereal.  And I'm not kidding.  I start making dinner and comes to investigate.  The first thing out of his mouth is, "Mommy, I don't want dinner."  We were sending him to his room if he didn't eat, but he enjoyed that too much.  So now we make him sit at the table with the rest of us.  He and Bennett are, a lot of the time, like oil and water.  They don't get along most of the time, but they both egg each other on deliberately.  There is a lot of screaming on both their parts with this. 

Then we have come to Bennett.  For the most part Bennett is a good little kid.  He doesn't like to listen very well a lot of the time and he'll say, "No!" or ignore me a lot of the time.  He gets into trouble for that.  He likes to scream a lot.  Ear-piercing screams too!  When he's in his moods he likes to throw things.  Right now he's been dealing with a nasty cold for a week, so he's really cranky on and off all day. 

Wyatt!  My dear sweet Wyatt.  In the three months that he's been on this earth with us, I see how much he acts just like Tanner did when he was a baby.  That scares me to death!  Tanner could never relax.  The only time he was relaxed was when he was sleeping, and a lot of the time, not even then.  Wyatt is the same way.  He's always moving.  Constantly moving.  He won't even relax while he's eating.  He's always moving his legs or arms, or both the entire time.  Just never sits still.  I have to hold him a lot like I did with Tanner as well.  Keep him up and constantly moving.  It wears on a person!  He screams bloody murder in the car seat.  It's bad!  I'm exhausted by him alone! 

So I have a lot to deal with during the day.  I don't do a lot of the household chores I should to keep up our household, so on days like today, when I've let things go for weeks, I have a lot of cleaning to do in one day!  I really need a break.  So thankfully I get to take one next month.  I'm able to go with my sister to my niece's baptism out west.  Nick and I disagreed about this for a little while until he understood that I really need this break from the boys.  Granted I'll have Wyatt with me, but I'll take him alone over all four of them any chance I get. 

Don't get me wrong, I do love my kids.  Spencer loves kisses and hugs and he's constantly showering me with them!  Tanner is a snuggly bug who loves to sit next to you and cuddle in with you.  Bennett has the most infectious smile!  He smiles and you can't help but laugh at him, he's so cute.  And Wyatt just loves to have you talk to him.  Sit there and talk with him and he'll talk and smile right back for at least 30 minutes or more.  They are blessings in my life, but I think it's okay to want to get away for a while.