I Don't Want To Do This Anymore

I'm exhausted, frustrated, at times completely overwhelmed, and at my wits end. Nick is in his 8th week of this MRI program while I feel like I'm in my 8th year of taking care of our very small children.

Tanner feels the need to scream and yell at me when he doesn't get to watch his movies all day long. He continually hits his brother or pushes him down. It feels like no variation of discipline works on him. He just goes right back to doing what he's not supposed to. He acts like he doesn't need to listen to what he's being told and at times completely ignores me.

Spencer feels the need constantly to hit Tanner with toys all day long. He takes Tanner's things and runs away laughing while Tanner screams. If I go out of the room without Spencer, he commences to throw a humongous fit where he screams and yells, throws himself on the floor, and then runs after me and hangs on my legs until I pick him up. He is always telling me "no" when I ask him to pick up his toys or some other chore. He feels the need to kick me repeatedly every time I change his diaper, even after he's told to stop repeatedly. Spencer is even worse about ignoring every form of discipline I hand out. Nothing phases him. When Spencer wakes up in the morning, if you don't have his breakfast ready right then, he goes crazy and cries and kicks and throws himself on the floor until he's able to eat. If I sit in a seat that he wants to sit in, it's a huge fit again. He screams and cries and yells telling me "seat" over and over.

Bennett is an extremely active little boy, and that makes me so exhausted at the end of the day. He likes to play by himself for a little while, but then he gets upset that no one is holding him and starts to fuss. While holding him he wears you out by how he absolutely will not sit still. When he gets tired, I put him down in his crib where he cries and cries and continues to cry. He will not let himself fall asleep for a long time. I still feed him every two and half to three hours. I've started feeding him cereal at night thinking that that will keep him asleep longer, but heck if it does. He still wakes up between 3 and 5 at night. He's now waking up for the day about 6:30am. It feels like he's going to sleep later and waking up earlier. I just want a good nights' sleep without all the crying and fussing.

So along with all of this, feeding all three kids, changing three kids' diapers all day long, and a whole mess of other things I do all by myself, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be the mom. I just want to sleep without worrying about having to wake up in a few hours to feed my baby. I want to wake up not having to worry about taking care of kids today. I just want to have to worry about me for a change.